Monday, 14 March 2011

Female Masturbation.....The Ultimate Taboo

Last night I happened to glance at "The Vagina Monologues" on Television.
I was struck at how cleverly it was written and performed and how things have changed so much, even just within the last twenty years.  

I was advised by an older lady only last week, not to go and see "The Black Swan" .. 
When I asked why, I was told that the ballet was beautiful and the story was good, but there was an awful sex scene in it. 
Being me, I giggled and said "Oh that sounds fun, what was so bad about it"
"It was disgusting, it wasn't normal .. it showed a person having sex with themselves".. 
The poor woman was so disgusted by this scene, she couldn't even use the word masturbation, or maybe she didn't know the correct terminology. 

I was brought up under a strict Irish Catholic influence, which even the use of tampons was frowned upon.  Masturbation especially female masturbation, was just a taboo subject.  It was something we all did it, but we would never dare admit to it.  At the tender age of  twelve, I remember being handed a booklet by my mother,  The purpose of this was to explain to young girls about puberty, the menstrual cycle and eventually sex after marriage.. the object of which was procreation and not an act of pleasure.

I remember distinctly that the pamphlet warned me not to use internal sanitary protection, as it could lead to me loosing my breaking my Hymen and so losing my virginity.  As my Hymen had already been lost due to a bad fall on my roller skates, I was not particularly worried about that.  I also had enough sense to know, that your breaking your Hymen and loosing your virginity were totally different things.  What did concern me though, was a whole chapter on pleasuring oneself. 

The author of the book went on to explain, that to touch ones "Pleasure Centres" was something to be avoided..I am not exactly sure of the exact wording as it was so long ago, I just know it was something along those cryptic lines....It continued, that should however you do so, you were to make sure you did not continue until orgasm, as this process would ruin you, and any chance of a healthy future sexual relationship with your husband..
I had no idea then as to what an orgasm was, but being the total rebel and inquisitive young girl that I was,  I fully intended to find out.

I am not going to give anybody a cheap thrill here, we all know how this is achieved and if you don't there are many porn blogs and self help sites available.  What I do want to show you though, is an insight into how easily religion and its ridiculous rules can damage a young persons attitude to their body and future relationships.  

When I did discover how to "Make the earth move"... although it was a most wonderful feeling, the pleasure was short lived as I was immediately struck with fear of fire and brimstone.  I thought I had broken my body, it would not stop twitching, so I prayed to Jesus....
" Please God if you would just fix me I will never do it again.... I swear "
Jesus answered my prayer, as I calmed and everything returned to normal.  I then lay there in horror and cried, as I was sure that I had ruined myself for the rest of my life.
I did not however keep my promise to him, what I had discovered was something far to good to leave alone.

Looking back on this dreadful literature, although it is not as barbaric as the mutilation of the female clitoris, performed in other religions, it could have achieved a very damaging psychological circumcision.  Surely if you have a part of your anatomy with so many thousands of nerve endings, something so entirely natural, that can give you so much pleasure, something that doesn't harm anyone, that costs nothing and makes you feel so wonderful. Then surely it has to be a good thing and not an evil thing. Yet listening to this older lady, I wonder how many woman were not able to see past this propaganda.

I wonder how many women have been damaged permanently by this way of thinking?
How many marriages are ruined because, sex is just for baby making and one should not be seen to enjoy it.  The poor men that must go crazy for good sex, as their partners have taught themselves not to enjoy it.  Women who deem sex to be wrong or dirty, and to perform oral sex must be akin to signing a pact with Lucifer. 

I feel especially sorry for all those poor catholic widows the world over, who have to keep their vibrators hidden from themselves and daren't accidentally slip whilst moisturising their bodies....just incase they break it.



  1. I went to see Black Swan and thought that the sex scenes were some of the best I have ever see, especially the lesbian one.

    I was raised quite conservatively, but I am very open and accepting, although I certainly wish I had this confidence as a teen and young adult.

    Good post.

  2. Wow - think this should be in a pamphlet handed out to twelve-year-old girls. Another piece of really insightful writing. Thank you! x

  3. This is what I loathe about how religion can affect people, when it actually misinforms and ruins a person's ability to revel in the beauty of ones own...pleasure centers... and makes us into repressed people unable to experience the true joy of being alive, as a lot of religious preachings about wanking have done.

    It's such a shame that religion can't be known more for connecting the individual with their own truth rather than all of this preaching and judging.

    As a child growing up in a shadow of religion (rather than the light of it which can occur too) I can remember asking why did God give us all these wonderful bits and pieces if we were not meant to enjoy? And what is all that bollocks about women having to dampen down? It's not a question an unrealistic religious person can answer truthfully.

    Love the picture..I had to laugh. It's a perfectly innocent vegetable.

  4. Glad you told me about the scenes in black swan, I won't be going to the cinema with my daughters now, I shall wait for the DVD LOL!

  5. It was the same for boys. I forget all of the dire consequences, maybe as a result of playing pocket billiards, but going blind, getting hair on the palm of your hands, going insane were some of the options. When my wife and I were going through infertility treatment, I was ushered into a small room to "give my sample". The nurse pointed to a small, slightly open draw and said, "You'll find a little bit of help in there", and closed the door before I could ask any more questions. Inside, were several well thumbed through porn magazines. Even enlightened medical professionals can't bring themselves to say it. I have to admit that trying to shoot into a small plastic container in one hand, while going through the throws of ejaculation with the other is not something life really prepares you for.

  6. Mrs Fab - that is hilarious!!

    Funny isn't it how 2 people can be raised Catholic and have entirely different upbringings when it comes to sex. I didn't have all that sex is 'evil' rubbish. I think it is a shame when people focus on the body when it comes to faith in a very conservative way. Of course the Catholic church is hardly liberal (understatement of the year) but it is tolerant and thankfully I was spared the overriding Irish influence, the Italians as you can imagine are more laissez faire! Not that I'm Italian but my family were/are a mix of Welsh, Irish, Norwegian and Italian. Plus the adopted side - all Jewish. We were and are all bonkers - still! xx

  7. It is odd, isn't it. Why don't girls talk about it at school like boys do? I felt weird about it for ages, never even started enjoying it really until the grand old age of 25! We weren't particularly religious and I don't remember being told it was wrong, but I must have picked up on some guilt thing somewhere. x

  8. As Make Do Style said - I guess it depends on how you were brought up. I was always told it was natural. I don't know about there, but here it seems that Catholics are a lot more tolerant and open minded today. But then....that may just be the Catholics I hang out with. ;-)

  9. The picture of... what is it? A butternut squash? Cracked me up!

    Wow! Religion is an awful thing! I have never been brought up with religion. We had to go to church at school but I went to a boarding school.

    I spent my youth reading Jackie Collins and Molly Parkin so nothing really shocked me, thankfully.

    I haven't seen Black Swan yet. Mental note not to go with my dad! There was a very long sex scene in a film over Christmas. The Actor and I sat there wondering when the hell it was ever going to end (it went on forever!) whilst my dad just stared at the TV trying to keep a normal expression. Bless him.

    Much love to you xx

  10. What a tremendous piece of writing. I'll never look at a butternut squash in the same way again.
    religion played a very insignificant role in my younger life, I went to church through school up to the age of 11 and my all-girls grammar school was secular. Mum gave me all sorts of raunchy literature as a kid from Peyton Place to the Valley Of The Dolls. My friends' parents used to be shocked by my choice of reading. xxx

  11. I know many women, most of them several years older than me, who think of performing oral sex as being humiliating. I can't imagine living life without full freedom of sexuality.

  12. Where on earth did you find that butternut squash?? (Sorry got distracted there). So sad to hear that people are bought up with those opinions forced upon them. Sex is after all a natural thing and not just about baby making by any means - heaven forbid! Think I have missed Black Swan at the cinema so will have to wait for DVD - so wanted to see that film. xx

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  14. What a stunning piece of writing. Although we were brought up as Christians we never had any of the hell and brimstone around sex.

    I agree it would be a sad and unsatisfing life if we should only have sex to procreate! That would mean that for the rest of my days I would be sexless! No way ho say!

    X x

  15. Hi my dear-what an insightful and interesting post, its amazing how upbringings and religion can enforce unwanted and instilled feelings in us all, thankfully I've become more relaxed and self awakened as I've got older and enjoy myself a lot more for it!! xxx

  16. Losing not 'loosing'

  17. Dear Anon.. thank you .. I do mean losing well spotted .. or maybe it sticks out like a sore thumb xx

  18. I've heard a few stories about girls losing their "virginity" by having riding accidents etc... imagine how much that would do a poor girl's head in back in 1900 or something when in huge sections of society nobody ever talked about anything... ukk!

  19. Wow this is an incredible post. Thank you for touching upon this alarming, yet so frequently covered up or outright denied, topic. It'd be interesting to hear more about your take on the double standard when it comes down to female and male masturbation (ridiculously absurd if you ask me).

    It's nice to see that other young women are progressive and able to escape the constraints of patriarchy to talk about these things. It's such a shame that so many women won't dare discuss this due to years of their sexist inculcation, telling them that ladies don't enjoy much less talk about sex... talk about medieval people living in a modern world! I will definitely have to take a look at more of your writing now. Thanks :)

  20. I was brought up in Italy. When I was a teenager I had to attend "catechismo" in our local church, virtually every day. As Italians have a inbuilt lack of trust in any organised form of authority, none of us took the sex avoidance instructions seriously.
    It's great post thank you.

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