It's early Sunday morning, it is cold, raining and I am recovering from yesterdays migraine, yet I feel happy, extremely happy. Not in a manic sense of hyper excitement, no this is more a deeply contented feeling of love. I am smiling from the inside out and my desire to write has returned.
Something has happened within my brain chemistry, it is almost as if somebody has flicked a switch. Where there was great darkness and agitation, there is now light and warmth. Clarity has replaced confusion and the sensation of being lost, manic and without purpose has disappeared, in its place is a calm contentment that is allowing the negative emotions to wash over me and disappear. The simple joys of life are once again touching my soul.
The colour of the spring crocus filling my lawn and the daffodils waiting to burst open, bringing with them that fabulous golden colour of spring. The wonderful sound of the river as it passes my house, slightly fuller after last nights rain fall, taking with it any remnants of my negativity.
I am seeing beauty all around me, and the simplest things are filling my soul with joy.
Sleepily making my sons breakfast, before he leaves for an away game and kissing his head, breathing him in, loving him so much, that I could burst.
The sight of my golden puppy bounding across the field playing with his mother. My hens run to greet me, waddling with fluffy feet and flapping their wings in an effort to get to me faster. All these things I experience every day, yet almost as if I am sleep walking through it, emotionless, numb. Today though, I see them and feel great joy in doing so, I think this sensation is what the Buddhist's call "Being Awake" or "Awareness"
I wish I knew the secret, to be able to feel like this every day would be amazing, to be able to share this sensation with others, to feel connected to one another. To be without suspicion and envy, to feel love and to reach out to one another with genuine empathy and compassion. Surely that is how we are meant to live..